How to Find a Mentor (and Why Your Brain Needs One)

Jul 17

Finding a mentor isn’t about casual networking, nor is it about waiting for your company to assign you one. It’s a strategic move for your personal and professional growth: one that requires intention, courage, and follow-through.

Where do you find a mentor? Start closer than you might think:

At work: someone one or two levels above you, either in your own team or from another function.
In your wider social circle: older friends of your family, people who know your parents, former teachers, or friends of friends. Yes, that person you only chat with politely at family dinners might just have the experience you’re looking for.

For many young professionals, especially in your early twenties, this feels unnatural. You’re used to socializing, not seeking guidance from people a generation above you. But mentoring relationships often start where you least expect them (when you look at someone’s experience, not their closeness to your social circle).

A mentor isn’t just someone to open doors for you. They help:

Cover your blind spots.
Share real-world knowledge you wouldn’t access on your own.
Help you see how your work environment truly operates.

And there’s a deeper reason behind all this: your brain needs it. From a neuroscience perspective, a mentor reduces ambiguity, increases certainty, and gives you the clarity your brain craves to focus, decide, and grow.

Why Having a Mentor Is Strategic

A mentor does more than give occasional career advice. They:

Cover your blind spots by giving you access to knowledge and insights you can’t get at your current level.
Offer clarity on how your organization works behind the scenes.
Help you understand what success actually looks like from someone ahead of you.
Act as a sounding board to help you think more strategically.

In short, they help you see things you didn’t know you needed to see.

When your brain has access to more certainty (through your mentor’s perspective), you make decisions faster, focus better, and operate with more confidence.

What a Mentor Really Provides

Pattern Recognition: Helping you spot signals and shifts you can’t yet see from your level.
Decision-Making Clarity: Guiding you on where to focus, what to ignore, and how to approach challenges.
Professional Benchmarking: Showing you what “good” looks like beyond your own assumptions.
Narrative Coaching: Helping you shape your story and present yourself effectively when the moment comes.

A mentor gives you the “bigger picture” view your brain needs to reduce uncertainty and build focused momentum.

The Hidden Risk of Not Seeking a Mentor

Without one, your growth risks being confined to your current role, team, or peer group. You’ll be operating in a limited knowledge loop, making decisions based on what you can see from your position, which is often incomplete or misaligned with broader organizational realities.

How to Find and Approach a Mentor (Without Being Fake or Asking for Favors)

This is where many people get stuck: they don’t know how to approach someone without feeling awkward or transactional. Here’s how to do it naturally, while keeping it professional (and it works!):

1. Make Yourself Known

Your first goal isn’t to get help - it’s to make sure the person knows who you are. Once someone recognizes you as a name, a face, and a professional, it becomes much easier to engage when you’re ready.

Use informal opportunities like:

Team events or workshops
Company dinners or social gatherings
Town halls or internal networking events

Participate in conversations. Be curious. Share your interests outside work. Let them see you as a real person, not just another employee.

2. Show You’re Driven (Not Needy)

When conversations naturally evolve, let your ambition show. Frame it as curiosity:

“I’ve been working on improving X, how did you approach this when you were in my role?”
“I’m interested in understanding Y better, what helped you when you were figuring this out?”

This shows you’re a self-starter, not someone waiting to be rescued.

3. Be a “Good Student”: Apply, Follow Up, and Show Progress

If they give you advice, act on it. Then, circle back:

Let them know how it worked.
Share the result you achieved.
Ask for the next layer of insight.

Example:

“I tried your suggestion on structuring my project updates and it helped clarify priorities for my manager. Thank you, that made a real difference.”

This shows:

You value their guidance.
You’re serious about learning.
You’re capable of taking action.

4. Always Show Gratitude

Whenever their input helps, send a personal thank-you note or message. A simple, genuine acknowledgment strengthens the relationship and shows you value not just the advice, but their time and attention.

In short:

Make yourself visible, first as a person.
Show your drive and curiosity.
Apply advice and show progress.
Always express gratitude.

A mentorship relationship often forms naturally from these consistent, thoughtful interactions.

Bonus - but Not the Goal: Visibility

Working with a mentor will naturally give you more exposure to senior management, but that should never be your primary motive. Visibility is a byproduct of growth, not the objective itself. Focus on developing your thinking, not on being seen.

Why Mentorship Works: The Neuroscience Angle

When you access someone else’s perspective, your brain reduces cognitive load and gains clarity. This clarity lowers uncertainty, eases decision-making, and helps you feel more confident about what to do next. Each conversation with a mentor builds new neural pathways (you literally start thinking differently, more strategically!).

Mentorship also provides emotional safety. Knowing someone has your back, and that you have a space to test ideas, reduces mental stress and frees up cognitive resources for actual growth and execution.

Mentorship is about becoming the kind of professional who’s worth investing in: curious, driven, reflective, and grateful.

When you approach people as humans, focus on learning, act on advice, and express gratitude, you won’t need to “ask for mentorship.” It will happen.

So this summer, while you’re socializing with your parents’ friends or just casually chatting with someone from an older generation, remember: you might also be paving the way to find your next mentor. Sometimes, mentorship starts with a simple conversation. Keep an open mind, you never know where the right guidance might come from.

Your Coach,

Jocelyne

Further Reading

“Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” – Susan Cain
For understanding how non-networkers can build meaningful connections.
“Neuroscience for Learning and Development” – Stella Collins
Practical insights into how the brain learns and how clarity and feedback drive progress.
“The Mentoring Manual” – Julie Starr
Step-by-step guidance on fostering authentic mentoring relationships.
“Coaching for Performance” – Sir John Whitmore
While focused on coaching, this book offers valuable perspectives on leading yourself through growth conversations.
“Thinking, Fast and Slow” – Daniel Kahneman
For understanding how your brain processes information and how certainty shapes your decisions.

Jocelyne Lee