The Hidden Challenges of Being a First-Time Manager: What I Wish I Knew

When I became a manager for the first time, I thought my main responsibility was to deliver results.

After all, I had been a high-performing individual contributor. I knew how to get things done, meet deadlines, and take pride in my work. But leading a team? That was an entirely different skillset - one that no one had truly prepared me for.

Looking back, I now see how many blind spots I had when it came to managing people.

1. I Focused on Tasks, Not Trust

In those early days, my to-do list was filled with goals, reports, timelines - everything but people. I thought if I stayed competent and respectful, the team would naturally follow. But what I didn’t understand was this:

Teams don’t follow competence. They follow connection and credibility.

I had a team that didn’t know me, didn’t choose me, and in some cases, didn’t even respect me. Not because they were difficult people, but because I hadn’t earned the right to lead them (yet!).

Leadership, I’ve learned, is a relationship, not a position.

2. I Mistook Kindness for Leadership

As someone who values empathy and connection, I leaned into kindness. I wanted to be approachable, supportive, and fair. But I soon discovered that being nice wasn’t always interpreted the way I intended.

In reality:

• Some people saw kindness as softness.

• Others took it as an invitation to push boundaries.

• A few assumed I lacked authority.

This was painful to realize. I had always believed that compassion was a strength (and it still is) but I hadn’t yet figured out how to balance warmth with firmness.

Being kind is not the opposite of being firm.
But being only kind can weaken your leadership presence.

Especially when leading people who are change-averse, ambiguity-avoidant, or quietly skeptical of your authority, you need clarity, consistency, and a little bit of healthy pressure.

3. I Underestimated How Hard It Is to Lead Change

Every team has its own way of doing things. As a new manager, you’re often walking into a culture that existed before you, and may quietly resist anything you try to improve.

I thought my ideas would speak for themselves. They didn’t.

I thought change would be welcomed if I explained it well. It wasn’t.

I thought they’d follow me because I had the title. They didn’t.

What I’ve come to understand is that:

• People don’t follow titles > they follow trust.

• People don’t adopt change > they negotiate with it.

• People don’t resist you > they resist what they fear will be lost.

That’s why your job isn’t just to deliver change. It’s to guide people through it, while staying grounded in who you are as a leader.

What I Know Now

Being a first-time manager is humbling. You’ll question yourself more than you ever did before. You’ll have to figure out how to:

• Earn respect without demanding it,

• Be liked without trying too hard,

• Set boundaries without becoming cold,

• Support people without enabling them,

• And lead change when no one really asked for it.

It’s not easy but it’s a growth journey worth taking.

If you’re a young professional stepping into management, my message to you is this:

You don’t need to have all the answers.
But you do need to start asking the right questions.

How do your team members experience your leadership?
Are you earning their trust or assuming it should be there?
Are you being nice or clear?
Do you set expectations or wait until lines are crossed?

And most importantly:
Do you know who you want to be as a leader, not just what you want to achieve?

Your Coach,

Jocelyne

Further Reading & Reflection:

Here are some books, articles, and ideas that have helped me reframe my approach to people leadership:

• “The Making of a Manager” by Julie Zhuo – A relatable read for new managers, especially those transitioning from peer to leader.

• “Radical Candor” by Kim Scott – A practical model for balancing care and directness in leadership.

• “The Fearless Organization” by Amy Edmondson – Understanding the role of psychological safety in team dynamics.

• HBR’s “Why Do So Many Managers Avoid Giving Praise?” – A short but insightful read on what people really seek from their leaders.

• Adam Grant’s podcast “WorkLife” – Especially the episodes on feedback, power, and personality at work.

And if you’re more of a reflective thinker:

• Keep a leadership journal.

• Write down what surprised you each week.

• Ask for feedback early and often.

• And most importantly, give yourself some grace — you’re learning how to lead, not just how to manage.