Toxic Positivity: When "Inspiration" Becomes Pressure
Rethinking Success Through a Coaching Lens
In today’s world, the word "success" is everywhere.
Scroll through LinkedIn, Instagram, or even listen to casual conversations, and you’ll find an endless stream of stories about overnight CEOs, 30-under-30 prodigies, and entrepreneurial unicorns.
On the surface, these stories aim to inspire.
But beneath the surface, they often deliver something far more dangerous: toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is the pressure to be relentlessly upbeat, no matter the reality.
It whispers that if you aren’t building an empire by 25, you're falling behind. It turns personal development into a race — and leaves little room for authenticity, struggle, or diverse paths to fulfillment.
From a coaching point of view, this is not just a cultural annoyance — it's a real barrier to growth.
How Toxic Success Stories Harm Young Professionals
When success is told like a fairy tale, without context or nuance, it triggers three powerful emotional responses:
Inadequacy:
When young adults share similar goals ("become a founder," "become a top manager before 30") but don’t hit the same milestones, they often internalize the failure. They don’t question the narrative — they question themselves.Disengagement:
Some start wondering if they should even show up anymore.
"If I’m not extraordinary, do I even belong on LinkedIn?"
When inspiration feels unattainable, participation declines.Learned Helplessness:
For those from less privileged backgrounds, who lacked elite networks or financial safety nets, these stories reinforce an old, damaging belief:
"Success is for people like them, not people like me."
Instead of lifting people up, these stories can quietly strengthen self-doubt and disengagement — the opposite of what true inspiration should do.
As Coaches, How Can We Do Better?
The coaching community has a responsibility — and an opportunity — to redefine success for the next generation.
Here’s how:
1. Set Realistic, Actionable Goals
Instead of promoting grandiose visions, we encourage small, meaningful steps.
Not "become an industry leader by 30," but "get better at one skill today."
Success builds over time — and it is the daily victories that matter most.
2. Redefine What Success Actually Means
If success is what people will remember you by, it's time for a deeper question:
What do you want written on your tombstone?
"Built a Fortune 500 company"
or
"Loved, trusted, and made a difference"?
Achievement without meaning is hollow. Coaching needs to move from glorifying titles to nurturing purpose, resilience, and authentic impact.
3. Step Outside the Bubble
Privilege creates blind spots.
As coaches, we must intentionally expose ourselves — and our clients — to diverse perspectives.
Mentor someone from a different socio-economic background. Read stories that don’t center on Ivy League success. Celebrate wins that don’t make headlines but change lives in small, profound ways.
Growth does not belong to a select few.
It is a universal human experience — messy, beautiful, and deeply personal.
The Bigger Picture
True coaching isn’t about pushing people harder toward someone else’s version of success.
It’s about helping them find their own definition — one rooted in authenticity, not applause.
Toxic positivity tells people they should always be winning.
Coaching teaches people they are valuable even when they are simply growing.
And that’s the real success story worth telling.
