It’s Not You, It’s the Setting: Why Gen Z Won’t Engage Unless the First 5 Minutes Feel Right

We often assume that calling a meeting, organizing a workshop, or preparing a deck means we’re automatically leading the room. But Gen Z sees things differently. They may show up but if the environment doesn’t feel right, they won’t give you the satisfaction of engaging. Not because they’re disinterested, but because they’re discerning.

As a facilitator and coach, I’ve seen this happen again and again. Participation, insights, and emotional connection only surface when the space meets their unspoken (but very real) need for autonomy, identity, and psychological safety. And the moment where this is decided? The first five minutes.

Let’s explore why those few minutes matter more than we think and how neuroscience and Gen Z psychology explain it all.

1. Gen Z Doesn’t Respond to Hierarchy, They Respond to Autonomy

Autonomy isn’t a perk; it’s a neural necessity. According to Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000), autonomy, our sense of control over our actions, is one of the three core drivers of motivation, along with competence and relatedness. When people feel they choose to participate, rather than being pressured into it, they’re far more likely to engage fully.

This is especially true for Gen Z, who have grown up in a hyper-connected, choice-saturated world. They’re accustomed to selecting when and how to communicate: from choosing to DM instead of call, to toggling between “lurker” and “creator” modes online.

The neuroscience connection: When people experience autonomy, the dopaminergic reward system in the brain is activated, particularly in the prefrontal cortex, which boosts attention, motivation, and learning. In contrast, when autonomy is stripped away, the brain triggers threat responses via the amygdala, leading to disengagement or even resistance.

In practice: If Gen Z feels they have no say in how they show up in a space, whether it’s speaking, chatting, or just observing, they will likely withhold their energy until they feel safe.

2. They Choose When They Open Up, And It’s Never Right Away

Traditional meeting scripts often include phrases like, “Let’s go around and introduce ourselves” or “Tell us your biggest challenge right now.” These well-meaning openers assume that everyone is ready to perform and share immediately.

But Gen Z is not only more curated in their communication (thanks to social media) but also more protective of their identity. They don't open up simply because they're asked, they open up when the conditions are right.

What’s happening in the brain: Early on in a group setting, the brain assesses for social safety. Research in social neuroscience shows that perceived social exclusion or the fear of embarrassment lights up the anterior cingulate cortex, the same region that processes physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). Until safety is established, many Gen Zs stay silent, not out of apathy, but out of self-preservation.

In practice: Silence in the first few minutes is not disinterest, it’s scanning. They’re deciding: Is this space safe? Can I be myself here? Do I need to filter?

3. Identity and Autonomy Go Hand in Hand

Gen Z isn’t asking “What are we doing today?” but “Why does this matter to me?” They want to understand how content connects with their identity, aspirations, or values.

Whether you’re running a classroom, leading a team, or facilitating a workshop, relevance and self-expression must come before instruction.

This is tied to what author and psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel describes as “the adolescent push for individuation”, a developmental need to define oneself, separate from authority, and claim internal agency. When we fail to meet this need, we lose them.

In practice: Let them co-create the tone. Ask what participation style works best for them. Make space for humor, personal reflection, or anonymity. These are not distractions, they're tools of inclusion.

4. The First 5 Minutes Set the Tone for Everything

This is your golden window.

If you're too quick to launch into agenda, slides, or structured intros, you've already missed the moment to connect. Gen Z wants to feel that the space is human-centered, inclusive, and flexible. They’ll make a quick - and often subconscious - judgment about whether they want to emotionally invest in this space.

SCARF Model by David Rock: In the SCARF model of social motivation, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness all influence how people show up. If a Gen Z participant feels their input is tokenized or their presence is performative, they’ll opt out, not physically, but emotionally.

So, How Can You Invite Gen Z to Engage (Without Forcing It)?

Try these intentional moves in the first 5 minutes:

• ✅ Ask permission: “Would you rather type your thoughts or say them out loud?”

• ✅ Set co-owned expectations: “What would make today’s session feel useful for you?”

• ✅ Offer psychological ‘exits’: “No pressure to share right now, just take it in and contribute if and when you’re ready.”

• ✅ Use resonance, not routines: Start with a quote, a meme, or a relatable tension point. Something that signals: I see you.

Leadership Isn’t About Organizing: It’s About Orchestrating Safety

Older generations may see leadership as the ability to organize people, speak first, and control time. But for Gen Z, leadership shows up in how you hold space, invite participation, and respond to the energy in the room.

They’ll show up if they must. But they’ll only engage if they feel you’re earning, not demanding, their trust.

So next time you plan a session, ask yourself:
Have I designed this for their compliance, or for their consent?

Because in a Gen Z world, the meeting hasn’t really started until they’ve chosen to be in it.

Your Coach,

Jocelyne Lee

Further Reading & Sources:

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). Self-Determination Theory. https://selfdeterminationtheory.org

• Rock, D. (2008). SCARF: A brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others. NeuroLeadership Journal

• Amy C. Edmondson (2019). The Fearless Organization

• Siegel, D. J. (2014). Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain

• Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290-292.

• Twenge, J. M. (2017). iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood